


The Faintest Line

by flashforeward



Category: Fastlane
Genre: Anxiety, Friendship, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Male Character, Trans!Van
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/pseuds/flashforeward
Summary: Deaq catches sight of something unexpected.
Kudos: 2
Collections: Small Fandoms Fest





	The Faintest Line

**Author's Note:**

> For small fandom fest! johnnygirl51's prompt: Van & or / Deaq, Deaq notices the scars for the first time.

The first time Deaq notices the scars, he thinks he’s seeing things.

They’re at the candy store late one night going over the details of a case and Billie’s gone out to get some more coffee and snacks (brain food, Van calls it) so it’s just Deaq and Van lounging on the couches talking over what’s been going on with their current case – working on taking down an expansive drug network, the head of which seems to change every time they get close.

Van’s sprawled out on his back, his vest hanging open, chest bare. Deaq’s trying intermittently to lob snacks into Van’s mouth _“To get you to shut up_ ,” he jokes when Van asks. Van shifts a little and the vest falls open further and as Deaq leans forward to toss another piece of popcorn in Van’s mouth he sees it. The faintest white line curving along the line of Van’s pec. It’s so faint Deaq thinks it’s just a trick of the light at first and pushes it from his mind, picking out another piece of popcorn to lob at Van.

The popcorn toss misses, landing on Van’s chest,  and when Van shifts Deaq realizes he’s not seeing things. Those  lines are scars, neat and faint but scars nonetheless.

“Nice shot,” Van says. He picks up the popcorn and pops it in his mouth. Grinning, he turns his head and meets Deaq’s gaze and Deaq’s surprise must show on his face because the grin falls away in a second. “What’s up?” Van asks.

Deaq shakes his head, but Van seems to register where he’s looking and he quickly sits up, pulling his vest closed and zipping it up, hiding his chest from view. “I should go,” he says. He seems so self conscious, which is strange. Van’s never been self conscious about his chest, seems to go out of his way to be shirtless, and Deaq’s not sure how best to approach this.

“Van, wait.” Deaq reaches out as Van stands and moves to walk past him, catches Van’s wrist in a loose grip. “I –”

“Forget it,” Van says, pulling away. “I’m heading home.”

Home. As if it’s anything more than empty rooms.

That’s why the spend so much time at the Candy Store.  They’re trying to create spaces that are  _ theirs _ in a life that’s as authentic as a hollow book.  It l ooks pretty from the cover but you open it up and there’s nothing inside. So they spend time together, they lounge around the Candy Store even when they’re not on a case, and they’ve built a weird sort of family. Them and Bill ie.

It might not be the healthiest family, but it’s theirs. It’s something real in a life full of lies.

And Deaq doesn’t want to fuck that up but… He’s worried about Van and he doesn’t want to let Van just walk away without addressing this.

Even if it’s just Deaq apologizing.

“I’m sorry,” Deaq says. He doesn’t stand, doesn’t reach for Van again, just sits and looks up at his partner and hopes Van sees how much he means this. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

Van’s quiet for a moment and Deaq thinks that’ll be it, thinks Van’ll walk away and they’ll forget this conversation ever happened, forget Deaq ever saw those scars.

But then Van turns back, strides quickly back to the couch and sits down heavily. He runs a hand through his hair and stares down at the floor. “It’s not important,” Van says after a moment.

Deaq shrugs. “Then you don’t have to tell me, man,” he says. “It’s no big deal. Just never noticed them before, that’s all.”

Van looks up, meets Deaq’s gaze, and Deaq thinks that’ll be it. They’ll move past this, move on. But Van pushes himself on, a grimace crossing over his face as he starts to speak. “I had them removed,” he says, “my...breasts.”

It takes Deaq a second to really understand the implications of that. It’s clear that word – _breasts_ – was hard for Van to say in reference to himself, but that it was the only word that would express exactly what he means. So Deaq turns it over in his mind, considers the implications, and gives a sharp nod. “A’ight,” he says.

Van stares. “That’s it?” he asks.

Deaq shrugs. “What else is there?” he asks. “Doesn’t change who you are,  y’ know?”

“I just,” Van looks down and picks at a spot on his jeans. “Usually it changes everything when. When people find out.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not people,” Deaq says. He gets up and crosses to the couch, sitting down beside Van. He takes Van’s hand to stop him picking and interlaces their fingers, squeezing Van’s hand gently. “I’m your partner, man,” he says softly. Then, after a moment. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Van says with a nod, squeezing Deaq’s hand back. “I think I am.”

Deaq bumps his shoulder against Van’s and the ghost of a smile tugs at Van’s lips, but he still looks a little shattered and Deaq’s still worried. He stands, tugging Van back to his feet. “C’mon,” he says. “Let’s shoot some hoops. Been awhile since I wiped the floor with you.”

Van laughs and it’s genuine an d  something releases in Deaq’s chest at the sound. 

“Sure, ’cause I keep wiping the floor with you!” Van says, cuffing Deaq on the shoulder. He turns and jogs away towards the hoop in the back corner of the Candy Store. Deaq watches him go, taking a moment to corral the questions racing through his mind.

  
The answers are none of his business and Van’ll tell him if he wants to and won’t if he doesn’t. Either way, it’s not Deaq’s place to ask. He’s glad Van trusted him enough to tell him what little he did, but he isn’t going to pry into anything Van isn’t ready to share.

“You coming or what? Can’t beat you if you don’t play, man,” Van calls and then there’s the thump of the ball hitting the backboard of the hoop. Deaq laughs and shakes his head, jogging off to join Van at the hoop.


End file.
